THE PERFECT TIME TO USE THE ‘EXIT’ DOOR IN RELATIONSHIPS.

It’s really sad to see amazing relationships suddenly hitting the rocks. Oh! How I hate writing on sad topics!!! Although breaking up stories are sad stories, ‘sad’ itself is a major ingredient of reality that humanity must learn to handle.

Today, I choose to focus on the perfect time for using the exit in relationships. But is there really a perfect time for this?  Stick with me to the end and you will certainly find out.

 A sister of mine; Malaika, thinks there is. In fact, she is of the opinion that: “As soon as you are more sad than happy in a relationship, that’s exactly when to leave.” From her perspective, the moment you figure out that you are more sad than happy, it’s perfectly time to walk out. Others believe there isn’t any perfect time. Truth is; there is no such thing as a perfect time for anything, ‘breaking up’ inclusive. I’m sure you’d want to know why I’m of the opinion that there isn’t a perfect time for using the exit in relationships, so relax and let me break it down for you.

No doubt, challenges are necessary ingredients of any relationship. Most times, overcoming these challenges enable the relationship to grow stronger, sweeter and much better.  Keep in mind though, that hitches faced in a good relationship do not have corrosive effects as those of a bad relationship. Hence, knowing the difference between a good relationship and a bad one is paramount to emotional security (Will have to reserve this topic for another day).

Relationships entail bits and pieces of togetherness such as: walking/working together, hurting together, laughing together, crying together and a host of endless bitter-sweet togetherness. It takes two to tango actually. Relationships have nothing to do with one shoving his/her life under the carpet and living the life and dreams of his/her partner. It’s not about putting up with ‘insanity’ in human form nor is it about living a shadow life either. Some people tend to lose themselves and their identity completely for the sake of relationships which is terribly wrong. C’mon, relationships are meant for people and not for silhouettes. Unhappiness, lack of attention/understanding, negligence and overbearing attitudes are some of the major challenges people in relationships suffer. In as much as relationships can be as sweet as a slice of heaven, they can also be as suffocating/deadly as inhaling carbon monoxide.

So coming back to the topic at hand, using the exit door (i.e., breaking up) has no perfect time and should be adopted only when all other options prove abortive.  According to my good friend Shady, breaking up should only be an option only after successfully passing through the following stages:

Stage 1.When you have done your best and it still isn’t working.

Stage 2.When you’ve spoken to him/her without positive results.

Stage 3.When you no longer feel loved and no longer have feelings for your partner.

Stage 4.When you are ready to leave for good, with no intentions of ever coming back.

Then and only then, can you opt for the exit door.

It will interest you to know that the suitable time for exiting relationships that are not just working varies across individuals and personalities, but one common factor synonymous to every individual is that: “At the perfect time for exit, the individual in question will know.” Yes! You will definitely know. This knowledge I’m talking about will come from 3 destinations thus: your heart, head and instincts. I personally call these 3 destinations ‘the saving elements.’

Your heart will feel it…,

Your head will understand it…,

And your instinct will confirm it.

 But when your heart, your head and your instinct are in conflict with each other, know that you are not ready to ‘walk out.’ Before breaking up and giving up on any relationship, search yourself thoroughly, be extra-honest with yourself  and be very sure of the decision before implementing it. Nevertheless, do not manage a bad relationship. It is really not worth you stressing over it! Finally, there isn’t any standard or any universally accepted ‘perfect time’ to use the exit in relationships, hence, just watch out for the not so good signs, obey your saving elements and you shall be saved!

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO
The Natifz Times Newspaper
Volume one Number four. At pg.6
By: Mercy Dashe
mercydash@gmail.com