Spice up your Spouse

Abosede Blessing

Statistics available shows that broken homes and divorces are at an alarming rate in our society today. The disconcerting scenario is that we come across sweethearts today, turned to bitter-hearts tomorrow, lovely turned to lonely, the wedding vow of “I will love you till death do us part” is no longer respected in any way because many marriages end up in total separation or emotional divorce. Some couples are like two parallel lines that can never meet while some do not even know the movement of their spouses, the absent of love has thrown the home into pieces. Faithfulness, honour, long-term commitment, consistency and integrity once cherished and highly valued traits are becoming extinct in our world; this situation is awfully bad. However, a right thinking person would know that it’s wise to look at marriage from the way God made it.

Marriage is an institution that God is very interested in because he saw the need for it and instituted it this position is well documented in the holy book, where it is said “And the Lord said, it is not good that man should be alone: I will make a helpmate for him” Gen. 2:18(NKJV) it further goes to show that it is ordained by God thus, it is lifelong relationship that should not be undermined for procreation, pleasure, and protection.

This God’s divinely ordained institution was designed to bring about a glorious and blissful experience. Mr. and Mrs. Ideh who has been married for thirty-two (32) years said, ”it embodies the epitome of God’s desire for his children, a union that demonstrates faith and grace, the beginning and the end of life. The centre of human’s existence and the school of experience.”

A home established by God is greater and higher than anything which man has ever attempted to create or establish. God is the architect, planner, and builder and by understanding “through wisdom is a house built and by understanding it’s established” Prov. 24 “Marriage is honourable when two people who love and honour the Lord are brought together in holy matrimony with a decision to make God the central focus of their lives, such people will enjoy and experience what can only be described with superlative language” (Shade &Daniel K. Olukoya).

A blissful marriage is not by accident, it’s neither hereditary nor a gift; it is a choice! Building a happy relationship with your spouse and achieving an excellent home is costly but possible. It takes planning, efforts, selflessness, commitment, prayers and God’s kind of love (Agape). It is, an achievement resulting from submission, unconditional love, respect and cooperative efforts. Pastor Ossai, a marriage counselor who has been married for twelve years (12) says, “invest your time, invest your day, invest your nights and the dividend will cause you to be at peace martially.”

Since this union is mostly between two people from different background, idea, visions, thoughts, and feelings, therefore conflicts are bound to occur since it’s part of every human relationship but the ability to manage it and resolve within a short time requires understanding, negotiation, maturity and compromise. “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3 for two to become one indeed, to live in peace and harmony there should be an agreement between them. “Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, I shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven” Matt:18:19

Learn to Say sorry even when you are not at fault and address the issue at a later time that is convenient. One can play the fool but not foolish destroy every seed of pride in you and marry humility. Humility will make your partner love you, confide in you, surrender their hearts to you, consult you before taking decisions (Prov. 11:12).

Do not be rigid but let flexibility lead the way. Rigidity creates enmity, bitterness and negative mentality in your relationship. Doing things that only in your culture permits without considering your spouse saying it s my nature, I can’t change it” who says? This statement should not be applicable if you want a successful marriage. There is no more “I”, “ME”, “MY”, but “OUR”, “WE”, “US”; carry your lover along, be of one mind, let your souls be knitted together. Love means “let other voice echoes” any home that opens its door to dialogue and negotiation has shut it’s door against divorce. Talk the talk; communication is the bedrock of every relationship, it embraces understanding, aids companionship and nourishes your union.

Examine and constantly evaluate your relationship. Do not blame when doing that but accept responsibility. Come up with innovations to strengthen your love, ask questions, and cover cracks if any, suggest solutions together.

Be sincere and straightforward with your spouse in all areas. Don’t pretend or cover up cover anything it is for immature minds, marriage is for matured minds. In the process of being honest, if you discover some shortcomings in your spouse, do not quarrel over it rather, address them with love, prayer, and counseling. Insincerity will only postpone your marital crisis to the worst hour.

Leave the book of records, allow the past to be past, else your love will pass away with it. Every evil record kept by you is all kept by the devil as a tool to destroy your home. If love is to last, an offense must not last in your heart. Forgiveness should be total even when your partner does not accept being wrong. Break your alliance with anger today else it will break your home tomorrow.

Measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise 2 Corinthians 10:1 comparing your spouse with someone else is not wise. Appreciate God’s handwork in your lover, see your partner as the complete description of beauty and handsome creation, and be wise enough to improve your partner to suit your taste. Wives, if others dress to kill, dress to win. If your hubby is going out, find out what keeps him out and start doing it in your home instead of nagging and complaining. Update yourself in the kitchen, bedroom and appearance, so that you don’t become outdated in the heart of your hubby, husband, thou shall not be stingy show love by the release of money when available. Let your wife know that you care, do this to keep her eyes at home. Learn and try something new, be creative. Review your love today by turning your home into a house of humour; crack jokes, don’t be discouraged if he or she does not laugh at first, persist, he/she will later succumb to smile which will generate to laughter.

Show love to your spouse, love blossoms in action. Write love notes, poems, songs, send text messages describing how much you cherish him/her, buy gifts, tell your partner “I love you” read books together, and treat each other with humility and respect, go for picnics and stroll out alone, comment and complement each other, let them know you care, be friendly with their family and most importantly “A marriage without Christ is in crisis”, the person who enjoys marriage is the one who prays. Settle your future on your knees. Bend your knees and your marriage will stand.

By Abosede Blessing